A Change of Heart

I am making a promise to myself from here on out that I will not be down and out. That I will make both physical and emotional changes in my life. That will be a new years resolution. That and learning to play the guitar.

Namaste

My poetry...

I now have another blog at imaginelove.wordpress.com where I will do mainly Free Verse poetry. I will still blog here as well. Thanks!!

The Explanation

The other day I was asked about my recent obsession with The Beatles and wether or not it would ever end. I simply stated, not anytime soon. As I was laying in bed that night, listening to them, I got to thinking... why am I obssessed with them? I do listen to other music, in fact, I have actually discovered new music because of them. But there is something about the Beatles that really hits home (Figuratively speaking of course). 

I guess I will start from the beginning. I am not exactly sure when the love started. I guess you could say it was around the beginning of November. I had just recently lost my job and was basically feeling blank. I guess thats the best way for me to put it. I honestly don't know what made me want to suddenly start listening to their music, but I think it had something to do with someone I follow on Twitter. I went onto YouTube and found a whole bunch of videos and started watching them. I started to look through my old cd collection and found a whole bunch of their albums that had belonged to my dad. I went through them and put them on my computer and my iPhone. It was at this point that I finally sat down and started listening to them. I couldn't believe that I had missed out on this. I instantly started to find songs that fit in with my (then) current situation. I had read...later on....that the Beatles really had a song for every situation and moment in life. It never rung so true.

Fast forward a few weeks later. End of November. My now ex-fiance calls me up to tell me he doesn't want to be with me anymore. Unless you have gone through a similar experience, you can only imagine how I was feeling. Of course after a few days I felt like I had had an eye opening experience. I continued to listen to the Beatles because I felt like their music was more than just... music. I had then gone to a meditation class where my teacher told me very sincerely that I was being pulled in another direction. (Career wise and relationship wise). At the moment I felt free. I felt liberated and eager to see what was out there for me. I was happy inside. 

Well my love for the Beatles continues to grow in profound ways. I have been reading a biography recently on one particular Beatle by the name of John Lennon. He was so amazing in every aspect of his life. Such an inspiration. After my breakup, I decided to put on Rubber Soul. I instantly fell in love with all the songs. I felt like I really could relate to all those songs. But at the same time, I felt like the songs were a sign for me to open up my heart for newer and better things. 

This story does not have an end, as I hope it doesn't end. My love for the Beatles will continue to grow for as long as I am around. And yes, I will listen to other music, but my boys from Liverpool will forever and always hold a special place in my heart. 

Thanks for reading

John Winston Lennon

9 Oct 1940 - 8 Dec 1980

A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality.

All we are saying is give peace a chance.

All you need is love.

I'm not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I've always been a freak. So I've been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I'm one of those people.

If being an egomaniac means I believe in what I do and in my art or music, then in that respect you can call me that... I believe in what I do, and I'll say it.

If someone thinks that love and peace is a cliche that must have been left behind in the Sixties, that's his problem. Love and peace are eternal.

Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.

Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives. I think we're being run by maniacs for maniacal ends and I think I'm liable to be put away as insane for expressing that. That's what's insane about it.

There's nothing you can know that isn't known. 

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands? And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.

Yeah we all shine on, like the moon, and the stars, and the sun.

You don't need anybody to tell you who you are or what you are. You are what you are!

You're just left with yourself all the time, whatever you do anyway. You've got to get down to your own God in your own temple. It's all down to you, mate.

**The world misses you John**

Going Through the (E)motions

I am 26 years old. Young in some ways, old in others. I have my whole life still in front of me. I can do whatever I want. I can go where ever I want. I can write whatever I want. And thats exactly what this blog will be used for. To express what I can't say outloud. Take it with a grain of salt or not at all. I will never write about specific people, but I will write about events involving specific people. If a name is mentioned, its a good thing. It is because you did something that effected my life in a profound way. Be glad. I tend to reflect on past things and how they could effect my present situation.

I am not one to usually write about what I am feeling or the motions that go with it. But I am now. Writing gives me sense of control. No one can tell me that I can't write certain things.

I am sure you are also wondering why I have a picture of John Lennon on my blog homepage. To put it simply. I love him. I have been listening to a lot of Beatles lately. Their music has really put a lot of things into perspective. I picked up a biography on Lennon recently and simply cannot put it down. He was an amazing musician, artist, peace activist, husband, father, and friend. I was born 3 years after he was killed and his message is still alive for me. That is an artist who had a profound impact on the general public. He was real, genuine, and had a love for everyone and everything. (Not saying Paul, George, and Ringo didn't) I have learned so much more about each Beatle that I have a hard time picking a favorite. However, now you can kind of understand why I have Lennon on my blog.

Ok..I think I have written enough to satisfy my inner creative process. I'm going to go back to listening to my music, tweeting, and people watching

Hare Krishna

The Music

Its quiet
I can hear people chattering
"How have you been?"
"Do you want anything to eat?"
"It's been so long"
I put my music back on
It drowns out the chatter
I wonder what they are really thinking

Untitled - an original by Alex S.

There she stands
Her smile plain
Painted on like a Mona Lisa
The universe tugging at her
Pulling her this way and that
She struggles with the force
Her lips open to speak
Silence spills out
She breathes in
She breathes out
The people move quickly
Never noticing the sounds
She reaches out to touch them
They shiver with the wind
She exhales
She inhales
The beauty is around her
She pulls out her guitar
The melody in her head
Drains through to her fingertips
She watches the world slow down
They stop to look
They stop to listen
She speaks
She sings
And he watches
And he sees
And he paints the smile
On his Mona Lisa

Maggie and Millie and Molly and May

“"maggie and millie and molly and may"
by EE Cummings

maggie and millie and molly and may
went down to the beach (to play one day)

and maggie discovered a shell that sang
so sweetly she couldn't remember her troubles,and

millie befriended a stranded star
who's rays five languid fingers were;

and molly was chased by a horrible thing
which raced sideways while blowing bubbles:and

may came home with a smooth round stone
as small as a world and as large as alone.

For whatever we lose (like a you or a me)
it's always ourselves we find in the sea.”

George Harrison Quotes

“I think people who can truly live a life in music are telling the world, "You can have my love, you can have my smiles. Forget the bad parts, you don't need them. Just take the music, the goodness, because it's the very best, and it's the part I give”

“When you've seen beyond yourself, then you may find, peace of mind is waiting there.”


“Try to realize it's all within yourself no one else can make you change, and to see you're only very small and life flows on within you and without you.”


“Sunrise doesn't last all morning, a cloudburst doesn't last all day, seems my love is up and has left you with no warning. It's not always going to be this grey. All things must pass, all things must pass away.”


“There's high, and there's high, and to get really high--I mean so high that you can walk on the water, that high-that's where I'm going'.”


“Give me love, give me peace on earth, give me light, give me life, keep me free from birth, give me hope, help me cope, with this heavy load, trying to, touch and reach you with, heart and soul”


“We were talking about the space between us all and the people who hide themselves behind a wall of illusion. Never glimpse the truth - then it's far too late when they pass away.”


“The Beatles saved the world from boredom.”

"Love one another" (his last words)

Top Places I Would Like to Visit

The following are places that I would like to visit before my demise. (morbid I know...) So here they are. They each have some sort of significant meaning in history and popular culture. See if you can figure out what exactly.

In no particular order:

1. Halifax, Nova Scotia
2. The Dakota Building
3. Penny Lane Studios
4. The Cavern Club
5. Las Vegas (Vague I know...)
6. Nick Studios
7. Dallas, TX



Thats all I have for now. I am sure there will be more to add.

http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/1352846/Pisces

My Love for The Beatles (and Paul)

Blogging?

Hi there!
So its 1:40am and I can't sleep. Not unusual. I am pretty sure I am part nocturnal animal. Anyway... I was laying here, staring at my blog, trying to think of something somewhat significant that is happening in my life that i can blog about. Sadly, I lead a boring, boring, boring, life. Which I combat during the weekdays with reruns of Home Improvement. So I continued through my head trying to find something to actually write about that would get people to read these. Other than the 6 of you who are already. Then I realized something... its my blog. I can write about whatever I damn well please... including swearing.
So maybe at some point I will have something worthwhile to blog about. But until that day comes. Please enjoy the random bloggings that will come your way in the days to come..

Much love

The Pirate Theory

Big Bang Theory


L: "What do you mean he's getting deported?"
S: "I believe it means the U.S. Government is going to expel him from the country. He then can either return to his native India, immigrate to another country that is willing to accept him, or wonder the high seas as a stateless pirate....Personally I'd choose Pirate."


**BEST SHELDON LINE**

A Pair of Sunglasses

The Belief in a Past Life

We all do things that we don't really understand. We have inner fears that can't seem to be explained, such as a irrational fear of rabbits, crossing the street, or loud sudden noises. We go through our everyday lives always asking why we fear taking the elevator and prefer to take the stairs. We can't seem to explain it externally. So maybe its only something that can be explained internally.

I myself have a small phobia of fires. I say small because I can handle a candle burning. I even will be a curious bystander when a fire breaks out somewhere that isn't my own home. However, I do have an innate fear of dying in a fire happening in my own home. I had mentioned earlier about having a fear of loud noises...Well when I was little, and sometimes even now, I get nervous if I know a loud noise is coming...i.e.: a fire alarm.

I know what you are thinking..."Everyone fears dying in a fire". Yes, true. But I always thought it was an irrational fear to have. Fire is a part of nature. (earth, wind, fire, water). Well, I did not think much of my fear until about 2 days ago when I went to my meditation class. Now before you go judging...please keep an open mind. If you believe in things such as reincarnation, then please, by all means, keep reading. If you do not believe in it, you have two choices... you can stop right here and go on with your mundane existence...or...you can keep reading with an open mind.

During this meditation class, we were told we were going to visit a past life. Now if you have ever meditated before, you know how relaxed your body gets. Anyway, we were told to go through a door, this door led to the past. I remember being in my meditative state and not wanting to open up this door. Almost as if I truly feared what was on the other side. However, I mustered up the courage and opened the door. On the other side was a lush green field. Very peaceful. In front of me was a large stone wall. I walked up to the wall and saw something small sticking out of it. It was a small ring. I looped my finger around it and pulled. Out popped an old key. I examined the key and written on it was the name "Leslie" and the date 4/12/08. At first I thought, well that's boring...I only went back to 2008? What a jip. But then after we got were brought out of our meditative states, I thought about the date for a while. Maybe. just maybe...it was 1908.

That night, I went home and googled the date 4/12/08. I thought to myself... that is such a random day. Nothing big probably happened. Well I was wrong. On April 12, 1908, a huge fire...yes I said fire...broke out in a shoe warehouse in Chelsea, MA. Now you are probably thinking...what does this have to do with you, Alex? And more importantly.. who is/was Leslie? Well that is my next step. About a dozen people died in the fire, and several went missing, presumed dead. Plus many injuries. Now I am not going to jump to the conclusion that I was once a young woman names Leslie who either died in a fire or was injured in a fire, but now I feel compelled to find more information on this fire. If someone named Leslie did indeed die in this fire at a shoe factory in Chelsea, MA in 1908...then I am connected to her in some unexplainable way.

I will blog about it more as I get more details.

Thanks for reading and keeping an open mind.

Love,
Me.

Aviators and Photoshop Mobile

Fun with a webcam (part 2)

Fun with a webcam (part 1)

A Void

I am feeling weird today. It's hard to describe. So maybe getting it out on "paper" will help. I have gone through a huge monumental change in my life. One that I had no control over. Ok maybe I did, but maybe that's why I feel so horrible and...and empty. Like there is a void in my life. I know time will heal all wounds, and everything happens for a reason, and every ending is a new beginning, but these will never fill that void. I need to get out of here soon... at least for a little while.

Love,
me

Have Faith

I wrote this a while ago... Enjoy.

Picture this: you're hanging onto a lone branch. Below you are nothing but clouds...well, that’s all you can see anyway. No idea as to what awaits you if you were to just let go or how far you would go. Hanging from the branch you look up and notice there is only about 30 feet between you and quite possibly sure survival. Knowing that which you can see, you take the route which has proved its safety in the past. Letting go with one hand, you start to climb, but as you do, the clouds below start to disperse; ultimately revealing land below. You look down; the fall still looks pretty intimidating. So you press on upwards. Your foot misses a notch and you start to fall a few inches, but you manage to grab hold of the same branch again. Looking down, you notice that a few more clouds have disappeared, revealing even more earth. You start to think that maybe the land is closer than you think. However, the climb up still gives the impression of being much safer. So you continue upward, one foot after another. Just as you reach the top you notice something, just infinite ground and sky and no one around waiting for you. Just then you hear a faint voice, its coming from below you. You walk slowly towards the edge; your knees black-and-blue from the climb. You lean down and listen. Faintly you hear it, soft, but understandable. You lean in closer to take notice, in doing so you lose your balance and once again find yourself hanging by the same bough. You look up and start to ascend up. Only you stop yourself, what was up there that was so worth the pain? Nothing, you look down, the sky is clear now…except for one cloud directly below you. Knowing that anything is better than what is above you, you feel yourself start to slide down. Just as you start to lose grip, you feel someone or something touch you. Their grip tightens as yours loosens around the branch. Then, just your last finger comes loose; you feel the earth below you. The field that seemed miles down was now only 6 feet below. You look around. The cliff is gone, the branch…now a tree. You look around for the person who helped you down. No one is around. But you can still hear the yielding words that spoke to you just minutes before. “When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, faith knows one of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly?

Timeless

I've learned...

I've learned
that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is
be someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them.


I've learned -
that no matter how much I care,
some people just don't care back.


I've learned -
that it takes years to build up trust,
and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned -
that it's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts.


I've learned -
that you can get by on charm
for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you'd better know something.

I've learned -
that you shouldn't compare
yourself to the best others can do
but to the best you can do.

I've learned -
that it's not what happens to people
that's important. It's what they do about it.

I've learned -
that you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.


I've learned -
that no matter how thin you slice it,
there are always two sides.

I've learned -
that it's taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.


I've learned -
that it's a lot easier
to react than it is to think.

I've learned -
that you should always leave
loved ones withloving words.
It may be the last time you see them.


I've learned -
that you can keep going
long after you think you can't.

I've learned -
that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.


I've learned -
that either you control your attitude
or it controls you.

I've learned -
that regardless of how hot and steamy
a relationship is at first,
the passion fades and there had better be
something else to take its place.


I've learned -
that heroes are the people
who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.

I've learned -
that learning to forgive takes practice.


I've learned -
that there are people who love you dearly,
but just don't know how to show it.

I've learned -
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.


I've learned -
that my best friend and I can do anything
or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned -
that sometimes the people you expect
to kick you when you're down
will be the ones to help you get back up.


I've learned -
that sometimes when I'm angry
I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn't give me
the right to be cruel.


I've learned -
that true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.


I've learned -
that just because someone doesn't love you
the way you want them to doesn't mean
they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned -
that maturity has more to do with
what types of experiences you've had
and what you've learned from them
and less to do with how many
birthdays you've celebrated.


I've learned _
that you should never tell a child
their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.
Few things are more humiliating, and
what a tragedy it would be
if they believed it.

I've learned -
that your family won't always
be there for you. It may seem funny,
but people you aren't related to
can take care of you and love you
and teach you to trust people again.
Families aren't biological.


I've learned -
that no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you
every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned -
that it isn't always enough
to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you have to learn
to forgive yourself.


I've learned -
that no matter how bad
your heart is broken
the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned -
that our background and circumstances
may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned -
that sometimes when my friends fight,
I'm forced to choose sides
even when I don't want to.

I've learned -
that just because two people argue,
it doesn't mean they don't love each other
And just because they don't argue,
it doesn't mean they do.


I've learned -
that sometimes you have to put
the individual ahead of their actions.

I've learned -
that we don't have to change friends
if we understand that friends change.


I've learned -
that you shouldn't be so
eager to find out a secret.
It could change your life forever.

I've learned -
that two people can look
at the exact same thing
and see something totally different.


I've learned -
that no matter how you try to protect
your children, they will eventually get hurt
and you will hurt in the process.

I've learned -
that there are many ways of falling
and staying in love.


I've learned -
that no matter the consequences,
those who are honest with themselves
get farther in life.

I've learned -
that no matter how many friends you have,
if you are their pillar you will feel lonely
and lost at the times you need them most.


I've learned -
that your life can be changed
in a matter of hours
by people who don't even know you.

I've learned -
that even when you think
you have no more to give,
when a friend cries out to you,
you will find the strength to help.


I've learned -
that writing, as well as talking,
can ease emotional pains.

I've learned -
that the paradigm we live in
is not all that is offered to us.

I've learned -
that credentials on the wall
do not make you a decent human being.

I've learned -
that the people you care most about in life
are taken from you too soon.

I've learned -
that although the word "love"
can have many different meanings,
it loses value when overly used.

I've learned -
that it's hard to determine
where to draw the line
between being nice and
not hurting people's feelings
and standing up for what you believe.


If you think you
are beaten, you are;
If you think you
dare not, you don't;

If you'd like to win,
but think you'll
lose, you're lost.

For out in the world
we find success begins
with a person's faith;

It's all in the
state of mind.

Life's battle
don't always go
to the stronger
or faster hand;
They go to the one
who trusts in God
and always thinks

"I can."

Taylor Swift = Timeless

My fiance texted me the other day and informed me that he got me Taylor Swifts new album. Well... actually its a re-release of an old album with 7 new songs. I thought to myself.."AWESOME". So I get it and put it in my CD player...and what happened? I was taken aback by it. I have always been a fan of hers and didn't think it could get any better...well I was wrong.

Her platinum re-release is filled with 7 brand new, never heard before, songs. The two singles "Jump and Fall" and "Untouchable" are already #1 and #2 (respectively) on the iTunes top downloads.

She also made a remake of "Forever and Always" its been slowed down and in my humble opinion is probably one of the best songs on the album...but then again....all her songs are real, genuine, and of course timeless

A couple more pictures...Sorry!

Pictures

29 essentials of life by Jack K.

1. Scribbled secret notebooks, and wild typewritten pages, for your own joy
2. Submissive to everything, open, listening
3. Try never get drunk outside your own house
4. Be in love with your life
5. Something that you feel will find its own form
6. Be crazy dumbsaint of the mind
7. Blow as deep as you want to blow
8. Write what you want bottomless from bottom of the mind
9. The unspeakable visions of the individual
10. No time for poetry but exactly what is
11. Visionary tics shivering in the chest
12. In tranced fixation dreaming upon object before you
13. Remove literary, grammatical and syntactical inhibition
14. Like Proust be an old teahead of time
15. Telling the true story of the world in interior monolog
16. The jewel center of interest is the eye within the eye
17. Write in recollection and amazement for yourself
18. Work from pithy middle eye out, swimming in language sea
19. Accept loss forever
20. Believe in the holy contour of life
21. Struggle to sketch the flow that already exists intact in mind
22. Don’t think of words when you stop but to see picture better
23. Keep track of every day the date emblazoned in yr morning
24. No fear or shame in the dignity of your experience, language & knowledge
25. Write for the world to read and see your exact pictures of it
26. Bookmovie is the movie in words, the visual American form
27. In praise of Character in the Bleak inhuman Loneliness
28. Composing wild, undisciplined, pure, coming in from under, crazier the better
29. You’re a Genius all the time

Self Images

Here I am

Just a few things about me that I am positive you never knew...

1. I am 26 years old
2. I work Monday through Friday at a daycare with kids ages 15 months to 2.6 years. Although in a few weeks I will be moving into a classroom with 3 and 4 year olds.
3. I am going to be getting married soon.
4. I live in the beautiful state of Maine
5. I am no ashamed to admit I watch iCarly and I adore the relationship that Sam and Freddie share. Its amazing!!
6. I also work another part-time job on the side.
7. I hate being an adult and responsibilities that come along with it.
8. My all time fav movies are: "Ghost" and "I heart Huckabees" and "NATM 1 and 2"
9. I have a cat with one eye that I adopted from an animal shelter
10. I twitter a lot more than I really should


Thanks for reading!!
Im gonna go back to my movie.
Later!

Um why?

Why do people waste their lives getting so mad about the most mundane things? Its always things that you really cannot control. So why waste your time getting upset over it. Maybe there was a reason for the way things happened. Maybe people should just let life happen and see where it takes us. The outcome maybe worth the struggles and the wait.

Up Late

So here I go again
Its 1am
Now its 1:30am
My eyes want to close
But they just won't
Maybe if I actually lay down.
Lets try that.

Love.

Just a nobody

Im a nobody
Im not famous.
Im not rich
I live simply
This is my blog
I can write in it whatever and whenever I want
I am free to do what I want here.
Writing is theraputic to me.
I have an active imagination.
Enjoy life.